Moving Day

Our house is empty, the truck is full, and many painful goodbyes have been said.  Tomorrow is the day we will begin our cross-country move from Rehoboth, NM to Walkersville, MD.

Benji and Hanwi love the moving truck (thanks for this photo, Deanna!)

There are so many thoughts going through my mind right now, it's hard to even begin this post.  Mostly today I've felt a deep sadness for leaving New Mexico...but there is some excitement, too, for our new home.  Maybe it will be best just to give a list of what I'll miss most about the Land of Enchantment and what I am looking forward to about Maryland.

What we will miss (in no particular order):

-Green Chili (especially on pizza!)
-The big, big blue sky...
-The way the light changes on the Hogbacks and the Red Rocks, from sunrise to sunset

-Walks and jogs around campus (and Jonathan being able to walk to work!)
-Traveling to amazing places--my favorite spot is the San Juan mountains of southern Colorado
-Watching Benji play with his little friends

-Our amazing church
-The smell of sagebrush
-Late summer wildflowers

-Hot air balloons
-Lots and lots of sunshine
-And, most of all, the people we've met here...such dear friends that we call them family...we have felt so embraced and supported, and words cannot express how much we will miss them.

(In fact, there are just a few things about New Mexico I will NOT miss: the sticky red mud that entrapped our car several times; Wal-Mart on the first weekend of the month; and, most of all, the spring winds that leave sand in your ears, up your skirt, and everywhere in between!!)

I feel like I am in a bit of a time warp because we are moving back to the house I grew up in, on a small farm near Frederick, MD.  Benji will play in yard as I did about 25 years ago; our new baby will sleep in the same room, in the same crib, that I did as a baby!  I am stuck between fears that I will feel like I have never grown up, and excitement that my children will enjoy this place that I have loved so much my entire life.  I think the latter emotions are beginning to triumph!

The Farm

The reasons for our move are complex but the main motivation is to be closer to both of our families.  My parents are planning to build their own little place right on the farm so they will literally be next door!  We are so excited for Benji and Baby to grow up in daily contact with their Nonnie and Papa.  I have many other relatives in town, and much of the rest of our families live in the corridor from MD to NC (about 6 hours away).

We can't wait to be able to attend more of the "little" family events and celebrations with both the Newman and Nicodemus clans.  I also hope I can reconnect with old friends and also make lots of new friends in my new life stage of motherhood. And then there are all the little traditions I am excited to share with my children: picking blueberries, going to the Frederick Fair, hunting for shark teeth at the Bay, eating produce from our own garden, even just sitting on the front stoop watching the cars and trucks go by...It was a wonderful place to grow up, and I think Benji and whoever else comes into our family will be blessed growing up on the farm, too.

Still, I have New Mexico in my blood now.  This is where we feel like we really became a family and we have too many memories here for Rehoboth to ever cease being our second home.  We hope to visit again soon, and visit often!!

Senior Trip to Lake Powell

This past weekend, we had a big adventure joining about 20 Senior students on their class trip to Lake Powell, AZ.  Lake Powell was formed when the Glen Canyon Dam was built on the Colorado River; it is an otherworldly place of water in the desert--stark red and white rock canyon walls rising from beautiful blue water.

I am far from an experienced camper, and so this trip was a stretch for me.  We spent three nights camping: the first and last at the Wahweap campgroup, and the second night we took two motor boats out to an empty stretch of beach for some rustic camping.  As we unloaded the boats onto the sand I felt like a contestant on Survivor, or like one of the pilgrims to the New World!

Benji at the Campground

This scene looks so peaceful...but just an hour earlier, 50 yards down the beach, our tent blew over in the wind!

Dinner over the campfire

This was a truly gorgeous spot, but the weather did not totally cooperate.  Between 30 mph wind gusts and the hot sun (with no shade), there were some tense and uncomfortable moments.  Benji did amazingly well for all of that.  He enjoyed riding on the motor boat, digging in the sand, and getting lots of attention from all of the students.  Plus, he got to sleep in the same "cave" (aka tent) as Mommy and Daddy and woke up next to us each morning: what fun!

"Trucks and cars" was the game of choice each  morning

Showing Baa-Baa the amazing view outside of our tent

On the last day we also go to visit a spot I've always wanted to see: Horseshoe Bend, which I hear is the official starting point of the Grand Canyon. What an amazing sight!  It was just a little nerve-wracking to have students sitting so close to the edge with no railings, but thankfully we all made it back safely.

There were a few smaller casualties on the trip:
1. A big crack down the screen of my new smart phone, incurred (ironically) not while camping, boating, or hiking, but while shopping for supplies at Wal-Mart.  Go figure!
2. Several tent stakes, buried somewhere in the sand on Wahweap Bay, after our tent got blown over..
3. My lower back, temporarily wounded by sleeping on the ground while 7 months pregnant, now (thankfully) restored to full service!

But there were also some highlights:
1. Becoming a more experienced camper...after three times tearing down and setting up camp, I finally put up our tent all by myself!  I consider this a major accomplishment!
2. The view outside our tent each morning.
3. Spending time with some of the students who were in my first 8th grade class.  They were great kids then, and are amazing young adults now!  It was awesome to see how they have matured and yet have still kept their wonderful personalities.  Can you imagine they graduate from High School on Saturday!?

May 2012--8th Grade Class Trip

May 2016--Senior Class Trip

Spring Break

We decided to mostly stay home for Spring Break this year; with a toddler, a "stay-cation" sounded more relaxing than packing everything up for a vacation!  We had a lot of fun doing activities in and around Gallup that we don't often get to enjoy, then finished the week with a wonderful overnight stay in Albuquerque.

Day trip to Window Rock, AZ

Our first little outing was to the Window Rock Zoo in the Navajo Nation capitol.  This is the only zoo operated by a Native American tribe, and we were really impressed both by the animals there and the layout of the zoo.  Plus, it's free!!  I loved how the animal habitats are tucked between the beautiful rock formations:

When asked, Benji said that his favorite animal at the zoo was "tractor" (the little ATV that the zookeeper drove around...)  But he also liked the cougars, the bears, and the wild turkeys!

After a picnic lunch, Benji also had fun playing on the zoo's playground:

Wednesday's little adventure was a trip to library story time.  Benji was a little overwhelmed by the new experience and all of the children, but once singing time got underway, he had a blast!

Thursday was my 28th birthday.  Jonathan made it really special by hanging funny signs around the house, cooking breakfast, and taking care of Benji when he was fussy.  We also took a little hike to Resurrection Rock...

...and had dinner with some good friends, followed by a chocolate peanut butter Reese's cake!!   :-D

On Friday we drove to Albuquerque and headed straight to the BioPark Aquarium.  Benji is really into fish right now, so he was fascinated by all of the sizes and colors of "goldfish" that he could see there (he got especially excited by the "BIG goldfish!" aka sharks!)

After the aquarium, we walked through the botanical gardens.  I thought this part would be less exciting for Benji, but in fact he loved it just as much!  Between the Bugarium exhibit, a children's fantasy garden, and the extensive outdoor model train set, he was pretty much in heaven!

We stayed that night at a wonderful AirBnB place just a few blocks from Old Town.  After some delicious pizza at the Old Town Pizza parlor, Benji enjoyed splashing for a while in the "swimming pool" (hot tub) at our little apartment.

On Saturday morning, we went to the Albuquerque zoo!  It was fun to see the zookeepers feeding the seals and sea lions; other highlights were the polar bear and eagle exhibits.

Finally, the moment came that Benji has been counting down to for a month: "airport time!"  We picked up my parents at the airport and drove them home for a 10 day visit.  It's so much fun to have Nonnie and Papa around!!  <3

My Experience with "7" by Jen Hatmaker--Week 7 (Stress)

I was curious about how Jen Hatmaker would tackle this seventh topic: stress.  How would she seek to diminish stress in her life?  By erasing events and responsibilities from her calendar?  What would she take out of her life to become calm, cool, and collected? 

I was surprised at first to read that Jen did not take anything away from her life and her schedule to work against stress; rather, she added seven things to each day.  Yes, added!  Each day, Jen paused seven times to read from the Bible and pray.  She followed the ideas in the book "Seven Sacred Pauses" by Macrina Wiederkehr, who called these seven pauses "breathing spells for the soul."  Adding events to our schedule can cause stress, but adding prayer will bring peace.  That was the theory that Jen--and our Bible study--decided to try this week.

This week was so good for me.  SO GOOD.  I did not manage to take every "sacred pause" but the many that I was able to observe were exactly what my soul needed.  They were not long prayers; they were not always profound; but they were constantly nudging my spirit towards a place of rest and dependence on God.  Like my friend in Bible study said, this exercise reminded her of her old baby stroller, where one of the axles is bent and so over time the wheels would always drift in one direction.  My life tends to drift in the direction of worry and stress, and I need time with God to constantly realign my spirit back to the path of peace.

Dawn touches Rehoboth Peak: time for the Awakening Hour prayer!

Here is a brief overview of the seven daily pauses, with selected quotes by Jen:

1. The Awakening Hour (Dawn)--"At dawn it's time to begin our day in glory, remembering God's goodness.  Even after the darkest night, the sun will rise...It's the moment to pray for resurrection: What needs to rise in us today?  Do we need to awaken to joy?  Forgiveness?...We enter a new day where our lives can become a living praise."  I often took this pause walking home from the gym, watching the first rays of sun light up the mountains.  There is no better way to start the day!
2. The Blessing Hour (Mid-morning)--"The mid-morning pause has two emphases: The first is mindfulness of the Spirit's abiding presence...the perfect time to invite the Spirit to stir our souls.  This pause can redirect our morning trajectory from "efficient" to "inspired"...Second, the Blessing Hour is about the sacredness of our hands and work.  Whatever our work looks like, we ask the Spirit to bless us with creativity, composure, inspiration, love."  I usually took this pause sitting on our front step watching toddlers play in the yard.  It reminded me, on the most monotonous of days, that the work I am doing is important and I should do it with love and gratitude!
3. The Hour of Illumination (Noon)--"At midday, the brightest moment of the day, we honor the hour when Jesus embraced the cross.  Like Him we recommit to giving our lives away...we ask Jesus to send light into our hearts so intensely that they break wide open...We ask God's love to illuminate the parts of our souls darkened with bitterness of anger or forgiveness or apathy."  This pause could be tricky, as it comes right at lunchtime when I have both toddlers and myself to somehow feed without leaving a total mess on the floor, table, kitchen, etc.  But it was good to take a minute and acknowledge any dark attitudes that were creeping into the day and flood them with light.
4. The Wisdom Hour (Mid-Afternoon)--"The Wisdom Hour embraces the themes of surrender, forgiveness and wisdom, and the impermanence of this life--including aging, maturing, and death...With evening approaching, we pray for perspective on this short, fleeting day, this short, fleeting life, and accordingly, we hold out forgiveness, release our grudges, and offer our gifts to the world."  With children napping, I usually had a quiet house to take this pause, and it was an important one for me.  Recently, I have felt like I am transitioning from young-adulthood to middle age and this can be a scary prospect.  I see signs of aging in my face and body, not to mention my spirit.  During this pause, I turned over these fearful emotions to God, asking Him to bring me purpose and contentment in this next stage of my life.
5. The Twilight Hour (Early Evening)--"The main themes [of this prayer] are gratitude and serenity as the evening lamps are lit.  We invite God's peace as we leave work and transition into dinner, family, home, rest.  Training our minds toward tranquility, we ask: What is the greatest blessing of this day?  What one accomplishment can I smile over? What is undone that I can gently lay down until tomorrow?"  These questions were so poignant for me as a stay-at-home mom.  Often the day passes by and I feel like nothing of import has happened, and nothing has been accomplished.  But when I answered these three simple questions, my heart was filled with gratitude.  Great blessings can be as simple (and profound) as a good conversation with a friend.  Baking a pie or cleaning the bathroom can count as excellent accomplishments.  And that load of laundry in the dryer?  It can wait until tomorrow to be folded!
6. The Great Silence (Bedtime)--"This prayer concludes the day; a beautiful time to pray with children as we tuck them in...it begins with a gentle evaluation of the day.  The focus is on awareness, and we include not just weaknesses by the strengths and accomplishments of the day.  The second theme is darkness--protection from some forms and acceptance of other forms.  We ask the Spirit to guard against our enemy, protecting our zeal and innocence in Christ...on the other hand, we welcome the soft darkness [of sleep] that is exquisitely beautiful and healing."  I usually prayed this prayer with Benji and Jonathan as we put Benji down to sleep.  It is always a special time of the day for us as a family.
7. The Night Watch (Midnight)--"This is a deep, even dark prayer of waiting and interceding, keeping vigil with Christ who never sleeps and guards us in our darkest hours.  The Night Watch advocates for others in a dark night of the soul: the suffering, abandoned, oppressed, lonely."  Confession: I never did this prayer in the middle of the night.  I decided an alarm going off at midnight would not be music to Jonathan's ears.  So I did the Night Watch right before I went to sleep, reading a Psalm of lament and praying for those who are suffering in the world.  My heart was drawn into the news stories I had read that day, about refugees and victims of terrorism and cancer patients.  It was a relief to put TIME magazine aside and pray for the desperate people in those photographs who I will never meet, but long to help: perhaps I cannot help them directly, but I can join Jesus in interceding for them and know that God is with them.

Seven days, seven pauses (yes, with a few missed here and there...)  Looking back at this week, I realize it was truly a week filled with peace.  The weeks before and after had times of intense stress as I worried about youth group, and moving next year, and many other things.  But this week was like an island of peace in those stormy seas.  Seven pauses might be an unrealistic goal for the long run, but I hope to keep at least some of these pauses in my daily routine.  I need them.  I realized that for me, giving my worries over to God works best not in one, long daily devotional time, but in these little conversations throughout the day; it is like talking to a good friend, sharing life with them one piece at a time.

Overall, Jen's book was great...I would even say life-changing.  I am so glad we did not just read the book, but followed along with her seven "fasts".  By giving up the excess in these seven areas, we gained important perspective and wisdom.

My Experience with "7" by Jen Hatmaker--Week 6 (Spending)

For the sixth topic of her book "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess", Jen Hatmaker tackles the subject of spending.  She talked about her own struggles with spending more than she could afford just to have the house, the car, the vacations, etc. that she felt she "deserved".  How easy it is to envy the material possessions of those around us, and spend our money selfishly and unwisely to try to match them! 

To combat this cycle of overspending, Jen decided that her family would make purchases from 7 vendors/areas that  month: Target, the farmer's market, one gas station, an emergency medical fund, etc.  They would not eat out at restaurants, go out to the movie theater, or really spend money on anything but the essentials.

To do this for a month could be a good challenge, but to spend money at seven places in one week actually seemed excessive to me.  So what would my personal challenge be for Spending Week?  I thought about this a lot, even trying to figure out if I could spend only $7 per day ($49 for the week--the answer was no, I couldn't even keep my weekly grocery bill below that amount!)

As our Bible Study reviewed the chapter, however, a plan came into focus.  On Day 20 of this chapter, Jen gives three ideas for breaking away from our culture of spending:

1. Nonconsumption.  Just say, "I'm not buying that." And even, "Just because I can have it doesn't mean I should."  So my first marching orders for the week were to make do with what I have, think very carefully before buying anything, reduce my spending...

"No, Benji, we can't buy that stuffed Yoda...we're on a budget here.  But you do look really cute together!"

This one comes fairly naturally to me, as I don't love shopping and spending money.  Thriftiness is practically part of my DNA (when I went on road trips as a kid, my parents packed our own bowls, cereal, and milk so we didn't have to eat out for breakfast.  This is how we do things.)  But Jen's other two ideas were more challenging for me:

2. Redirect that money saved.  Don't just stick it all in your own bank account to spend next week; give it away to someone who needs it more.  I love saving money so that I can see my net worth growing; this shows thriftiness, but not generosity!  And it certainly does not reflect what Jesus would have me do with the money God has given us!  Do I think that Christians should never have savings accounts?  Absolutely not; God calls us to be good stewards of our money, and part of that is saving for expenses we will need to cover in the future.  But I err too much on the side of saving and too little on the side of giving.  I like to think that once I've tithed for the month, the rest of the money is "mine"...how foolish!  How very much like the camel trying to fit through the eye of a needle...

3. Become wiser consumers.  Choose vendors who produce goods without oppressing the poor and destroying the environment.  Do some research to find out "if products are made with integrity or on the backs of slaves and children."  This is something I've hardly even considered.  If I see a shirt on sale for $5 I'm tempted to buy it because, hey, I'm saving money!  But there is probably a reason that the shirt is so inexpensive.  Could it have something to do with sweat shops?  Child labor in southeast Asia?  I've never stopped to consider these things...

So, how did the week go?  We spent $79.19 between groceries, our produce co-op contribution, and mailing a birthday gift to my nephew.  I stayed away from Amazon.com and other potential temptations.  On an average week, I would say we spend about $100 on groceries and other purchases (we're not counting rent, utilities, or other spending like that, nor tithing/charitable giving here).  So if we spent $80 this week, that's a $20 reduction.

I have not decided yet where to give the money saved, but I plan to!  As for becoming a wiser consumer, I've discovered that many of my favorite clothing brands like GAP and Old Navy have been known to produce much of their clothing in sweatshops with dangerous, unethical conditions.  I need to learn more about this, but for now, I'm going to try to buy clothing second-hand so at least we are not directly increasing demand or production for this kind of product.

My take-aways from this week are simple, yet convicting:
1. "Just because I can have it doesn't mean I should."
2.  Saving money must not just lead to hoarding it for myself, but giving generously to others.

My Experience with "7" by Jen Hatmaker--Week 5 (Waste)

The fifth chapter of Jen Hatmaker's book, "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess", looked at the environmental impacts of our wasteful American lifestyle.  For one month, she made seven changes to the way she lived that would decrease waste, from recycling everything possible to planting a garden and only driving one vehicle as a family.

Some of this chapter made me rather envious: Austin, TX in the summertime seems to be a haven for farmer's markets and local foodie joints, both of which do not exist in Gallup, NM during the winter.  Jen Hatmaker might be able to shop and eat local for a month in Austin, but these options were simply not available for me (and even if they were, think of the expense!)  However, as I thought about steps that I could take to be more environmentally conscious, seven ideas quickly came to mind:

• Pick up trash when I'm outside with Benji
• Take shorter showers (taking 15 min. showers in the desert is a crime, and I am guilty...)
• Turn off lights when I leave a room
• Visit the local co-op and see what's available
• Hang the diapers out on the line instead of using the dryer
• Look into possibilities of composting
• Recycle everything I can 

Most of these changes were so small, it really just required me to look around and be a bit more conscious of my surroundings: to recognize the trash I see on my daily walks with Benji, realize that I left a light on in the other room (and take half a second to turn it off!), keep track of the time I was wasting in the shower, etc.  These are tiny changes, but they could have big impacts over time.

Benji loved the picking up trash part; it's one of his favorite games!

My favorite thing about this week was finally going into our little co-op downtown, which I had never gotten around to for two reasons:

1. I thought the prices would be prohibitively expensive
2. It looked so small from the outside, I thought it would never sell the groceries that I actually need

Both of these assumptions proved untrue!  While some of the items in the store were quite expensive, I walked out with an organic avocado for just $0.79 (better than Safeway!) and a block of the most lovely, delicious feta cheese for less than $5 (plus it was produced "locally", in Tucumcari, NM!)  I also discovered that the co-op has bulk bins of rice, oats, gluten-free flour, spices, and more, all at good prices.  I will be going back again!

My main take-away this week was that, as a consumer, I generally make decisions based on price and health.  If something is very expensive, I don't buy it; if something is very unhealthy, I don't buy it.  If something is healthy and cheap, I buy it without a second thought!  The factor that never plays into my decisions is the environmental impact of the product.  Local, organic, and responsibly-produced goods tend to be quite expensive, and so I pass them right by.  Jen makes a case for considering these options more, and I think she is on to something. 

1. God created the Earth and so He clearly cares about how we steward its resources
2. Environmentalism is not just for "earthy crunchy people" (as Jen puts it)--normal, non-hippie Christians should care about the Earth, too.  And there are plenty of small lifestyle changes I can make to do so!

My Experience with "7" by Jen Hatmaker--Week 4 (Media)

I have to admit, I was really dreading this week.  I knew that Jen was going to crack down on internet and media use, cutting her family off of seven devices (TV, video games, the internet--with exceptions for basic communication and work--etc.)

And I didn't need to read this chapter to already know that I am seriously addicted to media!  All day I look forward to sitting on the couch, knitting and watching Netflix while Benji takes a nap.  I break up long stretches of "baby time" by checking Facebook or reading Time magazine.  I listen to podcasts while I run...and the list goes on.  My life is constantly filled with this background "noise".  My theory is that I am craving adult input in my life because most of my daily social interaction comes from one-year-olds--but this is no good excuse.  The truth is, I chose to be home with my baby and I am so thankful that I can be!  Shouldn't I be giving him (and the other babies I watch) my full attention?

Since I don't think we even own seven devices as a family, this week I decided to turn off seven specific websites/types of media that are problematic for me:

• Netflix (or Hulu, or PBS.com...couldn't even watch Downton Abbey this week)  :-(
• Facebook
• YouTube
• Podcasts
• Distractions at the table (phone, magazines...)
• Pinterest
• TV, other than the news that's always on in the gym

 So, this week was indeed difficult.  Every time I turned on my computer, I reflexively started navigating to Facebook; at nap time, I found myself craving Netflix much as I craved sugar in week 1.  But as the week went on, I began to find my new, quieter rhythm rather refreshing--not to mention productive!

I got so much done that I had been putting off: I updated Benji's baby book and our photo album, deep-cleaned rooms of our house that I'd hardly touched in weeks, organized Benji's closet and my desk, wrote five blog posts, and finally cut Jonathan's hair (yay, we can see his ears again!)  Jonathan and I played board games in the evening and got to bed at a reasonable hour.

I wish I had a "before" picture to go with this "after" picture of our clean bathtub...but believe me, it was really dirty!  As I was helping Benji get into the tub that night, he looked down and said "Yucky all gone!"  If my one-year-old notice how dirty the tub was, I guess I put off cleaning it WAY too long!

Besides productivity, I found that I had more space inside of my head...without the constant noise, my thoughts could flow and wander and take in new ideas at a natural pace.  I felt more at rest and more at peace than I have in a long time.

What will this week mean for me and my family long-term?  Well, I'm back on Facebook, but with a browser extension that limits my time on the site to 15 minutes per day (and I haven't even hit that limit yet; turns out I can live with much less Facebook than previously believed!)  I am back to watching Netflix, but with a greater appreciation for watching it one episode at a time and turning it off before 10 PM (and a realization that binge watching Grey's Anatomy really intensifies my hypochondriasis!)

Media has a place in our lives, but can easily distract us from what is most important: time with God, time with our family, face-to-face time with a friend, and time just to sit and think.  I believe that much of the modern-day stress that we feel would melt away if we simply created more noise-free space in our lives.